Perfectionism, binge eating, & shame in depression::part 3

davaun tamar photography::model::megan miller

"Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally." Rumi

Compassion.

To me, true compassion can only be formed through experience.

It's something that's worth more than gold, because it's what I get to take away from the hard things I've experienced in life.

<insert relatable and inspirational scripture passage/> 

 "These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world." 1 Peter 1:7

Not only does my compassion grow towards people who have gone through similar hardships, but my faith grows because I get to see how God is going to turn this monstrosity into something beautiful.
Trusting the one who created me, the one who knows everything about me, becomes easy when I look at hardships through this perspective.

When I lose trust in God because of circumstances and forget who I am, that's when all of the ugly stuff surfaces and I stop looking like my Father. We all have the ugly stuff, but its easy to stay in denial sometimes and ignore the crap so we can live in our comfort (fear) zones with our pet demons.

It was November '14 that I finally got help, saw a councilor, and was able to look at perfectionism, depression, and binge eating for what it is. A lie. However, its been a process of changing my thinking. Some things just don't happen over night, and some things do. But what is important is to trust God, especially when we really don't want to.

Denial is a killer because it keeps us stuck. I can pretend to be happy and fine on the outside  but until I acknowledge what my problem is, how can I overcome it? 

Shedding light is good, it is healthy, and it is only for the fearless and the brave. I know I want to live my life fearlessly and free from shame and guilt. 

Depression can be all consuming. It causes me to keep my eyes on myself. It causes me to feel sorry for myself, and it stops me from fulfilling my life's purpose. Depression is a false reality.

These last few months I have been so consumed in it. It feels like I have been drowning. It took this last bout of depression for me to realize I have dealt with it far too much in my life, and thought it was "normal."

As a daughter with a huge inheritance, living as God made me to be, there is no depression. Joy becomes my normal, and freedom becomes my comfort zone.
I am choosing to clothe myself with compassion and dignity. 
No more shame, no more condemnation, no more secrets.

So my question to you is, are there hidden secrets of shame in your life that are keeping you from walking in your identity?
If you're consumed with comparison instead of compassion,

I want to pray for you,

God I thank you for everyone reading this blog, and I ask that blind eyes would be opened to areas of hidden bondage.
That the heavy weight of shame, addiction, depression, & confusion would finally be lifted and freedom would come instead.
I ask that we would walk in complete and total freedom, because that is your promise. I thank you for joy and compassion instead of depression and comparison. I ask that everyone reading this, would feel your love in a new way. That we would know who we are  as your sons and daughters. It is our inheritance here and now, and we choose to receive it. I ask for forgiveness for choosing lies. We turn our eyes to you, and we thank you for giving us divine nature. We say we can't do it in our own strength and we thank you that your grace is sufficient, your yoke is easy and your burden is light. 

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8

I love this quote of hope by one of my favorite seekers Sadhu Sundar Singh;
"Should pain and suffering, sorrow, and grief, rise up like clouds and overshadow for a time the Sun of Righteousness and hide Him from your view, do not be dismayed, for in the end this cloud of woe will descend in showers of blessing on your head, and the Sun of Righteousness rise upon you to set no more."